advocacy | ❥ 002 spam/voice

spam - scott.
[Daneca sits in her room for a while, repeatedly closing her eyes. She keeps hoping that every time she does, the thoughts and memories swirling around in her head will stop and every time she opens them again, she hopes they just completely blip out of existence.]

[But unfortunately, what she's thinking and feeling can't be so easily wished away.]

[On the one hand, she can still feel those distant pangs for Barron. The butterflies she felt in his presence mixed with that sense of calm and security where she no longer had to fear what she was sits firmly in the back of her mind. On top of that, she can still feel the loss. The grief she felt--that other Daneca on that other Barge--is so much deeper than what she felt when she found out the truth of what he did to Cassel. She also feels guilt over feeling any of that, over feeling the way she does about Sam, even about Cassel.]

[But even worse is knowing what she did to Scott.]

[She doesn't know how he's handling the idea of her being an emotion worker. Maybe he's as angry as Sam was when he found out she was without hearing it from her directly. Maybe he's furious about her working him at all. Daneca wouldn't blame him if he were; he would be if the situation were reversed. She doesn't go to Scott out of fear of his potential anger though. She's more concerned that he may still be worked or confused.]

[She's also aware that her secret wasn't the only one put out there for people to figure out or learn.]

[She knocks on his door and waits anxiously outside.]

voice.
So that was a flood, right? I read about them over the network, but I never expected it to be... [Her voice fades a little.] ...Like that.

This might seem like a really stupid question, but how do most of you recover from something like that?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

That was more similar to a breach than a flood.

That was not a flood. Floods are usually far less - impactful. That wasn't a true breach, either. It was... a sort of event that we don't really have a nautical term for. A barge "Perfect Storm", perhaps. Hello. I'm Megamind, and we haven't met yet. I'm afraid I'm not able to be on video at the moment, and my voice is shot, but I assure you it's a pleasure to meet you.

[He doesn't think she needs to hear his voice. Really, he doesn't think she needs him at all. But here is something that's unfortunately true: Cassel is the only other worker on the Barge. Something else: he knows what emotional blowback feels like. From the other end, admittedly. And a third thing: he knows what she wants to keep secret.]

[He feels like he's invading even doing this. But he does it anyway; he doesn't want her to feel like she has to be alone, unless she wants to be.]

if you want/need help with damage control ill do what i can. i know you didnt want anybody to know.

[Hanging with Peter helped; he's feeling less like some cave person hermit freak, almost normal enough to check on people he needs - thinks he needs - to check on. Daneca's at the top of that list, but he still can't work out what she did, or how he feels. It's hard. So he answers the door, because there might be a few people looking for him, he supposes - but when he sees her, he balks. He doesn't know what to think, feel, do. So he just stares.]

Daneca.

[He's happy to see her. He wants to talk to her. (He wants to kiss her, and the guilt he feels over that, knowing he's here because he loves Allison, is enormous.)]

What's. What's up?

Copious alcohol.

[He is staying drunk the end.]

[Her voice is soft because that's not really the part she would need/want responding to, sadly.]

Oh. Sorry. I'm still... I'm still pretty new.

[Daneca's not sure she wants to ask how his voice got like that.]

Sorry, I'm still...figuring all this stuff out.

I hope you feel better soon.

It's okay. You're new. Scott got pretty harshly hazed his first few weeks here. It takes adjusting to... and I won't lie, it can be hard and dangerous to both inmates and wardens. A good support structure is very necessary on the barge.

we get very good at forgiving each other

and at pressuring each other to forgive ourselves

that was a bad one even by barge standards though <3 <3

[Daneca hesitates to respond to this. She doesn't know how to respond to this. On the one hand, she's still so furious with Cassel for what he did. She still isn't to the point where she feels she can really look past it. She's also still trying to process who he was on that other Barge and the things he did there. It's hard not to see how the Cassel she knew, who left six months ago, could just as easily do the same damn thing without batting an eye.]

[But on the other hand, he's the only other worker on the Barge. He's the only other person who can really understand what it's like and he's the only person here who's watched her get outed before.]

[He's the only person who knows how scared she is right now.]

[She forces her voice to stay even and steady.]

Would you mind coming to my cabin, Cassel? [But then it cracks a little.] Please?

I was-- I just--

[She stops herself before she can start and stop one more time. Daneca purses her lips and settles her mind down. Drawing a small, steady breath, she finally manages to string together a sentence.]

Can we talk?

Isn't that more of a temporary solution?

I was kinda hoping you'd say that.

It'd seem so.

I don't think I can really figure out if I want to be alone right now or not though.

[He's surprised to hear her. Shocked not to be brushed off. And he almost says no. But then.]

[Well. He's not heartless. He never was, exactly; just terrifically self-absorbed.]

[He switches to voice, even-toned. He doesn't sound afraid. He's terrified. He's in pain. But this is one thing he can do, being able to lie: he can be solid, some of the time.]

I'll be there in ten.

Do you, um. Need anything.

If you need to be, take some down time. Watch a movie, read a book, listen to music. Work on a project if you're inclined. If you need people, find someone else who does and do some mutual shoring up. Zev-- she was a warden here, but she's gone now-- would tell you to treat yourself right, love yourself and anyone else who you thought needed it, and the rest would follow. She was often right.

[ For the first time since Silent Hill, Zev's loss doesn't bring the twisting hurt. This time, Megamind is grateful that she's gone. That she wasn't one the mirror barge. ]

Apologies aren't necessary.

One of the others would more likely be better suited to answer your more emotional needs.

That's... That's actually really good advice.

[It's hard for Daneca to remember that right now because she feels both so low and so hollow all at the same time. But she knows he's right.]

Thank you.

I didn't expect that you would or anything like that.

No. I just want to talk face-to-face.

[She feels selfish enough asking for this from him that even if there was something else he could give her or bring her, she wouldn't ask for it.]

No problem. Been here fifteen months, might as well do something with what I've learned, right? I'd offer you the comfort of mindless video games and good company if you need it, but, uh. Someone else has dibs on my time for similar reasons.

Okay. In ten, then.

[He guesses. God, he's the worst person in the world to be doing this. He wishes there was somebody who knew how to - form sentences who could help her. But he's gonna go even though he's a shitty last choice, and nothing and no one can stop him.]

[He knocks on her door shortly. Under other circumstances, with what he's learned here, he would have brought her something anyway. Something fine and delicate, something pretty, something useful: a flower, a tea-set, a photograph. But he doesn't want to touch anything. His gloves are cinched tight at his wrists.]

It's me.

Depends.

Uh - yeah, yeah. Come in, yeah. [He steps back, scratching the back of his head and trying to do some lightning quick emotional sorting. It's not working. In lieu of success, he just pulls out his desk chair for her, and paces really awkwardly before just sitting on the edge of his bed.]

[There's a small attempt at a smile in her voice:]

I appreciate the thought all the same. I hope it helps whoever's taking you up on it.

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