❥ 001 video

[advocacy]

[Daneca has spent the first few hours going through the posts to the network. She...]

[...doesn't know how to feel about any of this so far. People going missing and others turning up dead. Zombies, vampires. And Cassel. Realistically speaking, Daneca knows she should probably be more anxious over a potential serial killer running around than the prospect of speaking to Cassel again, but that's what gives her more pause than anything. (At least she's not totally surprised by the idea of a serial killer on the Barge, she figures. Still in the realm of sanity for now.) She thinks maybe she should send him a private message or try to find him and speak one-on-one, in private. But that seems like too much even for her right now.]

[So, she settles for just introducing herself to everyone else. If he wants to talk to her, he can. If not...]

[Well, he doesn't have to. It's not like Cassel owes her anything anyway.]

[With that resolved, she can go back to being properly more anxious about people turning up dead, zombies, and vampires. And apparently also werewolves being real as well.]

[Daneca appears a little stiff and tense. Being on camera and broadcasting like this makes her a little nervous in ways that are harder to cover up than other things that make her nervous or uncomfortable. But it doesn't paralyze her or make her smile seem like a disingenous cover for nerves that ends up looking more scary than pleasant. Daneca is not someone who can lie very well. It's nervous and small, but her smile is no less sincere. She's trying desperately to channel her mother right now.]

I know I'm coming in at a really bad time, but I thought I should probably introduce myself anyway. My name is Daneca and I'm new. [She flushes a little and says a little softer:] Obviously.

[She shifts a little uncomfortably and finds the strength in her voice again.]

I'm a warden for anyone that might matter to.

[She's sure it does especially to some of the inmates. She'll lie about other parts about herself anyway. Might as well be honest about some things that might make people uncomfortable.]

Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for a tour. Or advice. Whatever anybody can spare.

Comments

private

[advocacy]

No, it's not. People can be complicated. I'm not saying they're simple.

But when you can't decide who you want to surround yourself with, you're complicating a decision. You're just using the complexity of human nature as an excuse for indecision or making a bad choice.

private

[godsays]

No. There can be thousands of reasons for wanting and not wanting someone to be around you.

private

[advocacy]

And all of those thousands of reasons still add up to whether or not you think someone is good for you to be around or not.

private

[godsays]

No. It doesn't. Not always.

private

[advocacy]

Enlighten me then.

[And so help her, do not make this a defense for Cassel. The judge and jury already reached a decision about that as far as she's concerned.]

private

[godsays]

Sometimes you love them.

Or you should love them.

private

[advocacy]

[Daneca looks down because she does--did--love Barron. As hard as it apparently is for people around here to believe anyone could.]

Yeah, well, sometimes love isn't enough.

private

[godsays]

It is if you're weak.

private

[advocacy]

Are you?

private

[godsays]

How am I supposed to know?

private

[advocacy]

Most people usually have an idea.

private

[godsays]

I know I love people. I don't know when it's weak or not.

[ His voice is starting to shake. ]

private

[advocacy]

Have you always? Loved people, I mean.

private

[godsays]

A son should love his father.

Should love his brothers.

private

[advocacy]

Nobody should love anyone. Not even family.

If they've done nothing to earn it, they don't deserve it.

private

[godsays]

You have responsibility to them.

private

[advocacy]

You do. But that doesn't mean you have to love them.

private

[godsays]

I was Barron and Cassel at the same time. I used people, and I was used by them. I was cruel. And - vulnerable.

private

[advocacy]

Not anymore?

private

[godsays]

Now I'm more vulnerable.

I don't use people. Ever. And Cassel knows it's wrong, too.

private

[advocacy]

There was never a point Cassel didn't know right from wrong.

private

[godsays]

Now he does it.

Or if he doesn't, he tries to fix it.

private

[advocacy]

[That's not exactly reassuring that Cassel's changed all that much. He tried to fix a lot of things he broke. Repeatedly. Often, he just made it worse or, she assumes, made it into whatever he wanted it to be. Whatever was easiest to deal with. But she understands what Zane means. And maybe he realizes it or not, he's also defending him.]

[On the one hand, it's nice to see Cassel has people that care enough about him to talk like this. On the other?]

He can't fix this and he can't make it right. There is nothing Cassel can do to change what he did or justify it. Maybe Barron forgave him. Maybe Barron just decided to look past it. But that's Barron's choice.

Not mine.

And right now? I'm not ready to look past what he did.

I know you're his friend, but don't ask me something like this. Don't ask me to forgive him or to let it go. Because someday, I might be able to see Cassel for who he's become, but that's not today. And no matter how much he's changed, no matter how much right he does, even if I manage to forget, I will never forgive him.

And if that makes me a bad person, then so be it. I can live with that.

If Cassel can't? [She draws a breath and lets out a shaky sigh.] That's not really my problem anymore.

private

[godsays]

You misunderstand. I'm not defending him. It's his job, it's his relationship with you.

I'm just talking. I promise, that's all.

[ It is. He's desperate for a distraction, and Cassel is easy to talk about, easy to understand, easy to analyze. He always has been. He's always been a warped and clear mirror. ]

private

[advocacy]

I'd talk about something different then.