Entry tags:
- baby's first flood,
- cassel complicating everything again,
- denial is not just a river in egypt,
- how do i public addressing?,
- i fell in love with a man on the run,
- scott has a secret too,
- teenage identity crisis,
- that sinner was taken from her,
- was not actually that great,
- zambies & werewoofs & dumpires oh my!
❥ 002 spam/voice
spam - scott.
[Daneca sits in her room for a while, repeatedly closing her eyes. She keeps hoping that every time she does, the thoughts and memories swirling around in her head will stop and every time she opens them again, she hopes they just completely blip out of existence.]
[But unfortunately, what she's thinking and feeling can't be so easily wished away.]
[On the one hand, she can still feel those distant pangs for Barron. The butterflies she felt in his presence mixed with that sense of calm and security where she no longer had to fear what she was sits firmly in the back of her mind. On top of that, she can still feel the loss. The grief she felt--that other Daneca on that other Barge--is so much deeper than what she felt when she found out the truth of what he did to Cassel. She also feels guilt over feeling any of that, over feeling the way she does about Sam, even about Cassel.]
[But even worse is knowing what she did to Scott.]
[She doesn't know how he's handling the idea of her being an emotion worker. Maybe he's as angry as Sam was when he found out she was without hearing it from her directly. Maybe he's furious about her working him at all. Daneca wouldn't blame him if he were; he would be if the situation were reversed. She doesn't go to Scott out of fear of his potential anger though. She's more concerned that he may still be worked or confused.]
[She's also aware that her secret wasn't the only one put out there for people to figure out or learn.]
[She knocks on his door and waits anxiously outside.]
voice.
So that was a flood, right? I read about them over the network, but I never expected it to be... [Her voice fades a little.] ...Like that.
This might seem like a really stupid question, but how do most of you recover from something like that?
[Daneca sits in her room for a while, repeatedly closing her eyes. She keeps hoping that every time she does, the thoughts and memories swirling around in her head will stop and every time she opens them again, she hopes they just completely blip out of existence.]
[But unfortunately, what she's thinking and feeling can't be so easily wished away.]
[On the one hand, she can still feel those distant pangs for Barron. The butterflies she felt in his presence mixed with that sense of calm and security where she no longer had to fear what she was sits firmly in the back of her mind. On top of that, she can still feel the loss. The grief she felt--that other Daneca on that other Barge--is so much deeper than what she felt when she found out the truth of what he did to Cassel. She also feels guilt over feeling any of that, over feeling the way she does about Sam, even about Cassel.]
[But even worse is knowing what she did to Scott.]
[She doesn't know how he's handling the idea of her being an emotion worker. Maybe he's as angry as Sam was when he found out she was without hearing it from her directly. Maybe he's furious about her working him at all. Daneca wouldn't blame him if he were; he would be if the situation were reversed. She doesn't go to Scott out of fear of his potential anger though. She's more concerned that he may still be worked or confused.]
[She's also aware that her secret wasn't the only one put out there for people to figure out or learn.]
[She knocks on his door and waits anxiously outside.]
voice.
So that was a flood, right? I read about them over the network, but I never expected it to be... [Her voice fades a little.] ...Like that.
This might seem like a really stupid question, but how do most of you recover from something like that?
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I want to say we're not those people, but we both know we are. But we're the ones who've consistently chosen not to behave like those people. Hold onto that, Daneca, because everyone that knows you doesn't need reminding of it. Even I don't and I've known you five minutes.
and we got one graduation out of it. I won't be too surprised if we get a few more.
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Is that the way people usually graduate? After something like this?
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It's ugly. I manage to live with myself because I didn't force anyone to be here. Because I'm working to give them their chance to leave, and because I go through it with them. But it does work.
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People can close to each other just by acting like people and treating each other decently. I know some of the inmates will struggle with that, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.
[suddenly, video]
...It's easy to say that. It ought to be true. You treat folk decently as natural as breathing. But we both know it's not true for a lot of us. And it's not like they didn't 'ave their chance. My Victor's two 'undred years old; nothing in 'is life's ever given 'im reason to believe that caring for others is owt but a weakness. 'E wouldn't struggle with it; 'e'd laugh in your face and then tear it off with 'is claws. And 'e's not the worst 'ere by a long shot.
I'm not saying it's perfect. Or even right. But it's effective and it's what we've got.
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I watched them give up on everything, including themselves.
What you're really saying is that you don't have faith in anyone else here in the end. You're saying that you don't have any belief in their ability to change without something really bad happening to them if it hasn't already.
If we're the ones--wardens and inmates--that really help them, then the trauma is unnecessary. If they have any real chance at changing for the better, it's not through trauma. It's through them seeing there's another way and wanting to take that other way for themselves. Some of them may be stubborn and fight it every step of the way, but they can come around eventually.
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Everybody deals how they deal.
[He is personally dealing by not looking Iris in the eye even a little bit.]
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No. No, it's not. Right. I'm going to ...go and do something. I'll see you around, I expect.
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[Which is all he's got in him. He cuts the feed.]
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Thanks.
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Sorry. I know you can handle it.
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It's fine, Cassel. You don't have to apologize for helping.
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I just don't want to seem like I don't think you can handle your own shit.
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And I'm all about self-preservation.
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[Basically useless and pretty pathetic.]
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