![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
- baby's first flood,
- cassel complicating everything again,
- denial is not just a river in egypt,
- how do i public addressing?,
- i fell in love with a man on the run,
- scott has a secret too,
- teenage identity crisis,
- that sinner was taken from her,
- was not actually that great,
- zambies & werewoofs & dumpires oh my!
❥ 002 spam/voice
spam - scott.
[Daneca sits in her room for a while, repeatedly closing her eyes. She keeps hoping that every time she does, the thoughts and memories swirling around in her head will stop and every time she opens them again, she hopes they just completely blip out of existence.]
[But unfortunately, what she's thinking and feeling can't be so easily wished away.]
[On the one hand, she can still feel those distant pangs for Barron. The butterflies she felt in his presence mixed with that sense of calm and security where she no longer had to fear what she was sits firmly in the back of her mind. On top of that, she can still feel the loss. The grief she felt--that other Daneca on that other Barge--is so much deeper than what she felt when she found out the truth of what he did to Cassel. She also feels guilt over feeling any of that, over feeling the way she does about Sam, even about Cassel.]
[But even worse is knowing what she did to Scott.]
[She doesn't know how he's handling the idea of her being an emotion worker. Maybe he's as angry as Sam was when he found out she was without hearing it from her directly. Maybe he's furious about her working him at all. Daneca wouldn't blame him if he were; he would be if the situation were reversed. She doesn't go to Scott out of fear of his potential anger though. She's more concerned that he may still be worked or confused.]
[She's also aware that her secret wasn't the only one put out there for people to figure out or learn.]
[She knocks on his door and waits anxiously outside.]
voice.
So that was a flood, right? I read about them over the network, but I never expected it to be... [Her voice fades a little.] ...Like that.
This might seem like a really stupid question, but how do most of you recover from something like that?
[Daneca sits in her room for a while, repeatedly closing her eyes. She keeps hoping that every time she does, the thoughts and memories swirling around in her head will stop and every time she opens them again, she hopes they just completely blip out of existence.]
[But unfortunately, what she's thinking and feeling can't be so easily wished away.]
[On the one hand, she can still feel those distant pangs for Barron. The butterflies she felt in his presence mixed with that sense of calm and security where she no longer had to fear what she was sits firmly in the back of her mind. On top of that, she can still feel the loss. The grief she felt--that other Daneca on that other Barge--is so much deeper than what she felt when she found out the truth of what he did to Cassel. She also feels guilt over feeling any of that, over feeling the way she does about Sam, even about Cassel.]
[But even worse is knowing what she did to Scott.]
[She doesn't know how he's handling the idea of her being an emotion worker. Maybe he's as angry as Sam was when he found out she was without hearing it from her directly. Maybe he's furious about her working him at all. Daneca wouldn't blame him if he were; he would be if the situation were reversed. She doesn't go to Scott out of fear of his potential anger though. She's more concerned that he may still be worked or confused.]
[She's also aware that her secret wasn't the only one put out there for people to figure out or learn.]
[She knocks on his door and waits anxiously outside.]
voice.
So that was a flood, right? I read about them over the network, but I never expected it to be... [Her voice fades a little.] ...Like that.
This might seem like a really stupid question, but how do most of you recover from something like that?
spam.
I've had two official covers and dozens of NOCs. The only people who know what I do are the ones I work with. [He doesn't have friends outside of the job: he doesn't have them within MI6, either. He has associates, colleagues, other double-ohs. And even them he finds it difficult to trust.]
Maybe he thought lying would protect you. [God only knows how often he's lied to Vesper - and to every woman he's been with since her death.] Sometimes the right reasons get awfully fogged.
spam.
He seemed to have that problem a lot with more than just me. Lying doesn't protect anyone though. It just makes the truth hurt worse.
spam.
[It's why men like him aren't heroes.]
What did your ex do?
spam.
Cassel didn't tell you?
spam.
spam.
[She did her homework when she first arrived and looked at the network.]
Barron's a worker like Cassel. [She purses her lips, but leaves out the "And me."] But he doesn't do transformation work, he does memory work.
spam.
I knew Barron. You dated Cassel's brother? [That just. Seems. Like a thing. He's a bit too tipsy to decide if he should care about that or not.]
spam.
For a little while.
spam.
spam.
I'd say don't feel bad about it, but I'm pretty sure you've drank past that point.
spam.
He graduated, though. I know that. [He's reaching for something comforting, trying, anyway.]
spam.
Yeah. I uh... I heard.
spam.
spam.
Guess I didn't do as good of a job as I thought.
spam.
You put on a good face. Is that why you're here?
spam.
Is what why I'm here?
spam.
spam.
spam.
[Not really. But dick is his norm, and she makes him feel guilty about drinking. Which is the worst.]
Why are you here?
spam.
spam.
spam.
Could be worse, couldn't it?
spam.
Yes. It could be Cassel.
spam.
Please, he'd be trying to get you to chug.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.
spam.