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[advocacy]

I've seen a lot of discussion lately about whether or not people on the Barge being too cavalier about death.

Honestly, I don't know if that's true or not. I haven't been around long enough and I don't think I know enough of you to say. I also wouldn't try to tell anybody how they view death. But I guess I'm just wondering what makes people think that? Or what about the Barge would make people start to treat death less seriously?

I guess some could make the argument that coming back over and over again makes it hard to see death as a big, final chapter or the next big chapter depending on your theological or philosophical standpoint. But I know there are some ideas surrounding death that says we do just come back over and over again as different people or even different creatures. And sometimes we remember past lives or past deaths. Or, I guess if you have a more negative outlook, that we're doomed to repeat the same patterns over and over again across lifetimes.

[A pause.]

I guess from my perspective, people just get numb to death when it happens all the time or they stop caring about what happens to them. They just give up. I don't know if that's anything really particular to the Barge.

[Her smile is wry. There's definitely people that have come and gone in her life at home that could fit the profile of just not caring about death anymore.]

I could also be completely wrong, too.

Comments

[patheticvillain]

No, it's probably not your kind of game.

[Because if she dies Cassel might freak out. A lot.]

[He lifts one finger - hold on - and cuts the feed. Shortly, a piece of cardstock slides under Daneca's door.]

[advocacy]

[Daneca opens the door before she picks up the paper.]

This is what you do in your spare time?

[patheticvillain]

[He half-smirks at her, folds his arms, raises his eyebrows.]

It's what I do after I die.

[advocacy]

[She makes a small face at that, putting eyes back down to the paper. She turns it back around to face him with a hand, pointing at it with the other.]

Do I even want to know how many of these you've managed?

[patheticvillain]

Just the one. Well, two, if we're counting what got me here, but that's kind of against the rules.

[advocacy]

There are rules?

[She drops her hands to her sides.]

You can be incredibly morbid sometimes, you know that?

[patheticvillain]

[Something in his expression softens a little. He puts his head on one side.]

Yep.

But it helped.

[advocacy]

[Daneca sighs a little. She can't really judge. Not that she wants to. But you have to do what you have to do to cope with something like that.]

You've really only died once?

[patheticvillain]

Yep, [he says again, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking up slightly as he does a mental tally.] Once to get here, once after I got here. Two beatings, one of which I'm, like, ninety percent sure was attempted murder, one ridiculously sloppy con, one majestic mindfuck, and then the regular Barge shit.

[It does all bother him. He lets it show for her, just for a minute, and then pulls his smile back up.]

[advocacy]

And what did you do the week before that?

[Daneca offers a weak smile. She knows he probably doesn't want to talk about what all of that did to him beyond what he's already said. And that's fine. He doesn't have to. He has a right to handle it however he wants considering no one else is getting hurt as a result and he isn't taking out what's happened to him on other people either.]

[For Cassel, it's downright healthy.]

[patheticvillain]

[With a flash of his most winning smile - which will have zero effect on Daneca, which he is utterly fine with - Cassel shrugs with a little what can you do eyeroll.]

Something stupid.

[Generally speaking, this is always a good guess.]

[He hopes she understands, kind of. It's not something he can explain articulately, the way that glossing over pain to make it seem smaller works for death but not for dealing with people. But he hopes this is at least a partial answer to her question. Different people cope different ways. On the Barge, almost nobody copes well.]

[He holds out his hand for the card. It's not the only one he's got made out, but he figures she doesn't want to hold onto it.]

[advocacy]

[She gives it back to him because she gets it. It's not her particular choice way of dealing with it, but she can understand.]

Promise me you'll try to do a little better next week.

[patheticvillain]

I'll try. I mean. If I don't, you'll either slap me again or make that face you make, and I'm not really into either of those options.

[He folds up the card and tucks it into his back pocket, then rocks back on his heels.]

What do you think? About death. Here or there or wherever.

[advocacy]

[Daneca shrugs a little.]

I think no matter what happens, death is a big deal. And I think people who try and say it's not are either lying or just too overwhelmed to really process it anymore.

[A beat.]

I don't make a face.

[patheticvillain]

Or they think it's normal. Dying, or being hurt or whatever.

[He raises his eyebrows.]

Do too.

[advocacy]

[Daneca makes a face.]

Do not.

I'd think death would be worse here though. You still come back from it and still have memories of how you died.

[patheticvillain]

You just made the face!

[HE'S SO RIGHT, GOD.]

The memories were worse for me. I'm used to pain, it doesn't bother me as much as remembering.

[advocacy]

[SHE DID NOT, OMG. THAT'S JUST HER FACE!!!]

Cassel, do you realize how screwed up that sounds?

[patheticvillain]

I mean. Kind of.

[No, not really.]

It's true though. I'm not just being . . . whatever. I know pain. It's just . . . [Something that feels comfortable, sometimes.] But dying was new both times.

[advocacy]

Pain's just what though, Cassel?

[Daneca thinks she knows what he was just trying to say. She'd just rather he'd say it instead of beating around the bush about it.]

[patheticvillain]

[God, he so doesn't want to talk about this. It's awkward and uncomfortable, and he really doesn't expect her to get it. He hardly even understands it himself, and he's neck-deep in it.]

[Too deep, obviously, to realize that's a big part of why he doesn't get it.]

[He just shrugs tightly.]

It doesn't matter. We weren't talking about me.

[advocacy]

We kinda are now though.

[Daneca can sometimes be like a dog with a bone. And with Cassel lately, she prefers to be that way. It's too easy for him to shrug things off, to start lying. Even now.]

[patheticvillain]

Damnit, Daneca.

[He rolls his eyes ceilingward.]

Pain's just a - a constant, okay, can we drop it now?

[advocacy]

Cassel, there's a pretty big difference between pain being a constant and what you were about to say. Why can't you just say it?

[patheticvillain]

Because like you said. It's fucked up.